she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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