sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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