How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
