erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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