can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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