Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
