There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
