Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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