i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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