I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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