i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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