Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
