things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
