im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
