anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The power of my boobs compel you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
