Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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