Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
