I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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