The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
