And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
try to milk me bitch
Help. Why am I so naked?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
