Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
