Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
