Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
