I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
A+ Viking dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
