Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
