If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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