we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
