this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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