am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize