some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
