hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
