I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
