Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
