i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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