and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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