guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
