So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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