i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
