Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
