New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
