Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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