Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize