I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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