dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
