you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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