My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
