my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this boner is exhausting
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
