Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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