I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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