It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
