the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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