Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
