ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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