There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
