so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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