Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
