I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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