I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
