He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
