Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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