i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
