Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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