just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
