my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
