I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
