I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
