I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
