Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
