all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
