I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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