Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
